How to have the pandemic money talk
Before coronavirus—or as I like to say, B.C., I had no issue dropping $100 on a fancy brunch or date night, even a trip to Sephora for makeup that’s now collecting dust. My slutty-ass wallet opened wide for everything and everyone: clothes, skincare, food, Amazon, Apple, Urban Outfitters…
Coronavirus changed the way we all spend on ourselves. But what about our friends, family, and dates? Even with bars and restaurants opening back up, it seems safer and more pragmatic to stay home and save. Ah, yes, the key ingredients to romance: frugality and the couch.
All kidding aside, you absolutely can grow and maintain your relationships (platonic and romantic) in pandemic times without spending a penny. I speak from personal experience as I made a new friend the other week in the middle of a state-wide shutdown. …
It knows precisely what you need when you need it the most
Who the hell is God or Jesus or whoever the fuck to tell me when I can have sex, drink alcohol (let alone coffee or tea), tattoo my body, or hurt the next person I see at the gym without a mask on? Apparently, “thou shall not kill” is one of the Ten Commandments.
Never have I ever considered myself a religious person or felt connected to any one religion in particular. Can you tell?
Spirituality, on the other hand, speaks to me on multiple levels. I appreciate a New Moon every now and then. The same goes for a crystal, a Tarot reading, a good luck charm, a bad omen, and being in the right place at the right time. …
Here’s to a less reactionary and newsworthy New Year
In the name of New Year’s resolutions, I’m calling for a more “keep it sacred, keep it to yourself” attitude on social media in 2021. We overanalyzed and overexerted the previous year with opinions on all matters of quarantine life: masks, vaccines, lockdowns, politics—even pop culture news.
These opinions drew lines in the sand between Democrat vs. Republican, pro-vaccine vs. anti-vaccine, defund the police vs. back the blue. We will never run out of opinions and challenging conversations in the years to come but can we please handle them in a less reactionary manner moving forward?
I support whatever the fuck you want to do in the same in self-love and self-care. You want to wear a dress on the cover of Vogue and pearl earrings to the MET Gala (ahem, Harry Styles)? …
Single or taken, special occasions have a knack for loneliness
For the first time in a long time, I spent New Year’s Eve alone. I never thought this would happen as a married person. You think, “I have a partner for life; we’re going to be together on special occasions and make all the best memories.”
Newsflash: life happens. Shit happens sounds more like it. In my case, my husband found himself in the middle of a work crisis just as he was about to clock out. Something about a busted pipe and gallons of water in the facility.
A text comes in: “Well, I’m going to be VERY late. As in you should head to bed when you’re tired. This place is one minute away from a disaster like I said yesterday. …
8 lessons from the Switch game that apply to everyday life
When it comes to buzzy pop culture trends, I’m that skeptical bitch who refuses to jump on the bandwagon until enough time has passed to prove it legitimate. I started Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad way too late in the same, somewhere around Season 3 or 4.
The same goes for Animal Crossing, which reached peak popularity levels in March—the time of its release and the start of COVID lockdowns. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. …
Ranking all the Christmas traditions from your childhood
Happy December 2nd! Wow, that sounds way less celebratory than December 1st but it took me longer than expected to compile this list of American Christmas celebrations. Sorry, international readers, most of these apply to North Americans.
Let’s just jump right into this because it’s going to be a long one—13 Christmas traditions, to be exact, ranked from worst to best.
#13. Door-to-door caroling
Ummmm I can think of nothing worse than a group of strangers knocking on your door with some bullshit song about Jesus on Christmas. Can you tell I’m an atheist? Door-to-door carolers are the Jehovah’s Witness of the holiday season. …
Call the fire department ‘cause your legs are on fire
Leopard-print? Crop tops? Bootleg jeans? With the way things have shaken out in 2020, I’m more than happy to substitute this year for the 90s. We’re experiencing a bit of a 90s comeback in fashion, beauty, and yes, even fitness trends.
The 90s brought us workouts like step aerobics, spinning, and The Thighmaster machine. While incredibly popular, I can think of one underdog exercise that tones muscles, boosts cardiovascular health, and torches calories.
It’s rollerblading. Duh.
Fitness, simplified.
When did our workout regimens become so co-dependent on gyms and fitness studios? …
Our 5-year old selves trained us to survive this madhouse
Right around Thanksgiving, Minnesota entered a slightly less restrictive lockdown than the one in March. Bars, restaurants, and gyms? All closed. Take-out only; no outdoor dining options. All Minnesotans have now are bookstores, personal care shops, and outdoor recreation.
In the words of our governor, Lockdown 2.0 targets the 18–35 age group, also known as the “super spreaders” since the majority remain asymptomatic while COVID-positive and spread the virus without knowing it.
As a 28-year old millennial, I could either bitch and moan about the second round of closures or find something better to do with my time. …
Are you a Pumpkin Spice or Peppermint Patty queen?
Despite the underlying fear of COVID and Donald Trump’s attempts to overturn election results, I think the holidays make us happier, chipper people. Each and every one of us adopts a “holiday personality” that brings out our inner child, Elsa snow princess, or cookie monster. Personally, I’m the latter.
Come mid-November, I suddenly want to spend every waking second outside, picking up colored leaves and jogging around a semi-frozen lake (such a Minnesota thing to say). Surely, you have your own holiday-centric hobbies that prove it’s the little things that matter.
Maybe you have a go-to dinner recipe that calls for butternut squash with a dash of cinnamon. Or maybe you can’t wait to wear your favorite North Face sherpa pullover with a grande PSL in-hand. Even under the dark cloud of COVID, one seasonal coffee drink on a frosty morning is all it takes to get into the holiday mood. …
Can you separate the man and his crimes from his music?
You’ve read the headlines. You’ve seen the documentary. By now, everyone knows the dark secrets that lurked in Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch closet. Leaving Neverland shined an uncomfortable spotlight on the topic of child sexual abuse as it pertained to the late singer.
In 2020, the woke-est year of our lifetime, are we officially done with Mr. Jackson? Does this mean none of you added ‘Thriller’ to your Halloween playlist?
I was out at a socially-distanced patio bar last night when R. Kelly’s ‘Ignition’ came on the speakers. …
