Beanie Babies, Pokémon cards, and Jelly Belly…the three fundamental building blocks of my childhood. The 90s brought us Dr. Pepper-scented lip balm, candy necklaces, and Zoom Kids (my dream job at the time).
I collected Beanie Babies like nobody’s business and pretended to teach them math and spelling. My diet consisted of Lunchables, Push Pops, Go-Gurt, and mason jars filled to the rim of Jelly Belly—not to mention Uncrustables, Little Bites blueberry muffins, and chocolate chip Eggo waffles.
What a time to be alive. The fucking 90s, man.
Why is it that psychologists and therapists always want to talk about your childhood? Are they right to assume that we are the way we are because of childhood hobbies, relationships, and environments?
If so, I’d like to deduce that Jelly Belly flavors have a distinct impact on the adult psyche. The flavor you found yourself naturally drawn to the most as a child now comes into play as we big deep into the fully-developed adult brain.
Based on what evidence, Sophie?
Okay, chill out, Judge Judy. No one cares about science in a blog post about nostalgic candy. To those with a sense of humor, keep reading to find out what your favorite Jelly Belly flavor says about you…
The hygge-obsessed one
Flavors: Buttered Popcorn, French Vanilla, Toasted Marshmallow, Coconut, A&W Cream Soda, Chocolate Pudding, Licorice
The English language has yet to find a word for the comfy, cozy, snuggly lifestyle that originated in Scandinavia with “hygge.” This person thrives indoors (especially in the winter) with couch throws, endless TV subscriptions, hot chocolate, and a wood-burning fireplace.
Chances are, you’re an introvert who prefers life under lockdown because you no longer have to make up an excuse to bail on social events, large gatherings, and people in general. You love Pinterest, comfortable clothing, and ignoring text messages.
The animated one
Flavors: Sizzling Cinnamon, Very Cherry, Tutti Frutti, Lemon, Lime, Chili Mango, Dr. Pepper
To match your vibrant, energetic, and bold personality, you prefer jelly beans with the most in-your-face flavor. In the world of Harry Potter, the Sorting Hat would assign you Gryffindor—confident, reckless, and a stand-out individual in the crowd.
More often than not, you talk with your hands (spill everyone’s beer on the table, I mean) and argue with your shampoo bottles when friends grow tired of your overbearing voice. You enjoy compliments, being right, and standing up for the people you love.
The one who’s always on vacation
Flavors: Crushed Pineapple, Margarita, Pink Grapefruit, Top Banana, Orange Sherbert, Berry Blue, Pina Colada
What happens when you mix all of these flavors together? Well, you either end up with one delicious pina colada, daiquiri, or margarita—the perfect beach drink. This person is always on vacation, either physically or mentally (in la-la land somewhere).
You visited the Amalfi coast like, once in your life, and annoy your friends with pictures of it every single day…even in the dead of winter. It’s January and we still have to look at your bikini selfies. You enjoy the finer things in life. You love to spend on yourself and others, which makes you charitable, selfless, and the life of the party.
The healthy living one
Flavors: Cappucino, Green Apple, Kiwi, Peach, Plum, Pomegranate, Watermelon, Mango, Mixed Berry Smoothie
You’re the person friends come to for fitness and health advice. You know of all the apps, the gym equipment, the best running shoes, the nutritional facts, the yoga poses, the whole nine yards because you practice mindful living like it’s your job.
As one extremely self-motivated and determined individual, you wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to hit the gym, you rollerblade to “walk” the dogs, and you call the Farmer’s Market your second home. You’re too nice to say it but you have the best body in your friend group.